One of the things that kills long-distance relationships is the constant underlying uncertainty of everything.
The longer you are apart, the more these uncertainties can grow into legitimate existential crises. Usually, this will be the next time you are both able to see each other. The minute you stop having some milestone to look forward to, the harder it will be to maintain the same enthusiasm for, and optimism in, each other. And growth is even more crucial in a long-distance relationship.
You must have some cause that unites you at all times.
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There has to be a converging trajectory on the horizon. Otherwise, you will inevitably drift apart. This can manifest itself in various ways within a long-distance relationship.
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In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive because they perceive every casual social outing as potentially threatening to a relationship. Are you hiding something from me? In other cases, people become overly critical and neurotic to the point where every small thing that goes wrong is a potential end to the relationship. Or, some go the opposite direction and start idealizing their partner as being perfect.
All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful.
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A lot of long-distance couples create rules that they should have X number of calls or that they need to talk every night at a certain time. You can easily find articles online recommending this sort of behavior. You should talk to each other when you want to, not because you have to. And if that means going a couple of days without communicating, then so be it.
People get busy, after all; and periodically having a few days to yourself is actually pretty healthy. Welcome to every shitty marriage ever. This uninspired, filler-filled kind of communication often creates more problems than it solves. If your partner seems more interested in his tax returns than catching up with your day, chances are you should just hang up and try again tomorrow. There is such a thing as overexposure. The second problem that can come from forcing communication is that one or both people can begin to resent feeling obligated to connect. The trick is to not take these opt-outs personally when they happen — after all, your partner is not your slave.
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If your partner spontaneously feels as though she only wants to talk a few times a week instead of a few times a day, that is both the cause AND the effect of her feeling more distant. That is worth talking about and being honest about. A long-distance relationship cannot survive without hope. And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that the two people involved will one day be together and achieve a Happily Ever After TM. Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless.
In my second relationship, my girlfriend took a job working in Africa. All hope for making it work was killed by circumstance and we soon broke up. We began dating while I was living in Brazil in We Verizon Media and our partners need your consent to access your device, set cookies, and use your data, including your location, to understand your interests, provide relevant ads and measure their effectiveness.
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